Kick his head, smash his face & do a bunk with his brief case. Shoplifting for a lark, walk on the grass in the park. In the restaurant loads o' nosh, stuff yer face & leave no dosh. We a...
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1. A Bunch O'fairies 2. A. Diamond Good morning Britain. Nobody can believe what the sun's gonna be. A married chap. been having it off with Annie now Annie's feeling crap. cause Annie's been left in the craaaa. She does...3. Alec's Back He'll Never Know Why He Let Betty Go. Through The Tears, He Threw The Years Away, Oh. So Long Ago And He Still Needs Her So. Alec's Back Oh, But Betty's Gone. And I'm So Blue, And...4. Alec's Gone Out in the courtyard, cold & it's so hard. Now Betty's crying, she wants to die. Coz it's over, die, but she. Knows that her grieving, it's not achieving. What Bet's belie...5. Alfie From The Bronx Alfie, Can See. Johnny And Freddie Outside The Bronx. And He, Will Be. Happy With This Memory. And It's All Echoes, Where Alfie Goes. The Bronx Is In His Head. Alfie's Home Is Through, The L...6. Alfie From The Bronx (tablatura) ALFIE FROM THE BRONX. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------. by: Nick Crystal. E---------------------------------------------------------------------------....7. Anniversary Waltz May I Always Listen To The Anniversary Waltz With You. Is This Just A Dream Come True. An Anniversary Wish For You. May This Be The Answer To All Future Years. Millions Of Heartaches And A Few Little...8. Any Dream Will Do I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain. To see for certain, what I thought I knew. Far far away, someone was weeping. But the world was sleeping, any dream will do. I wore my coat, with golden lining...9. Audrey's Alone At Last It's A Tragedy But, When She Spied Alfie's Nut. Drooping Down On Top Of His Gut. She Could Not Believe It, Audrey's Sides Nearly Split. ‘Twas This The End Of That Fat Wheezing Gi...10. Bachelor Boy / When Garry Married Melanie Bachelor Boy / When Garry Married Melanie. When I Was Young My Father Said. "Son I Have Something To Say,". And What He Told Me I'll Never Forget. Until My Dying Day. He Said, "Son...11. Back In '79 Back In '79. Just Like We Had Ffffeared. The Mates We Had Have All Disappeared. Nicky, Flip, Paul, Fat Bob And Ted. They All Done A Bunk & All Got Wed. Out With The Lads For A Laugh And A Bee...12. Bare Faced Cheek You got me outa my head. coz I'm not h, h, h, hunky. you're driving me insane. coz I'm not f, f, funky. well it's a bare faced cheek. calling me a skinny freak. it's a bare fa...13. Bitten By A Bed Bug! Bitten By A Bed Bug!. Was It Something That I Spilt. On My New Continental Quilt Or What?. Could It Have Been A Bad Dream. That Crept In Bed & Made Me Scream Or What?. What Attracted Such A Beast....14. Blaze Of The Borough Blaze Of The Borough. Jimmy's Running Short O' Cash, The Bar Takings Have Took A Crash. Jimmy Can't Think What To Do. The Bills In From The Local Breweryyyy Oi!. Jim's A Nutcase Ro...15. Bless You My Son You tell me, I'm not good E. Nough for you, what can I do?. Shiddle Iddle Ay Shiddle Iddle Oh. I got so sick, I told a Vic. Ar her dad, I must be mad. Shiddle Iddle Ay Shiddle Iddle Oh. He just s...16. Blue Suede Shoes Well It's One For The Money. Two For The Show. Three To Get Ready Now Go Cat Go. But Don't You Step On My Blue Suede Shoes. You Can Do Anything. But Keep Off My Blue Suede Shoes...17. Bored Housewife He Tells Me, "We're Happy" He Could Never Guess. He's A Berk, While He's At Work, She's An Adult T T T T T Tress. She's A Bored, Bored Housewife - In The Cul-De-Sac....18. Bowling Barmy Bowling Barmy, Oo Oo. She's Got Bowling Blues. Bowling Socks, Bowling Shoes. Bowling Night & Day Hey. She Waits Miserably. Down The Bowling Alley. He's A Bowling Junky. Bowls His Life Aw...19. Carol Dodds Is Pregnant Carol dodds ahooo is a girl. She was always happ. Ee but now it's crap for her she's met keith. Carol dodds ahooo's in a whirl. She thinks keith is good. But I knew he would leave her....20. Caught Up The Reeperbahn I Was Feeling Blue, She Made Me Feel Guilty. When I Took That Trip To Deutschland, Germany. She Said I Am A Man, Keep Out Of The Reeperbahn, Mind You. Nick Off Is What I Said, I'll Please Myself...21. Charlie's Watching Charlie Was A Loafer, Charlie Was A Lout, Huh. But Charlie Was The Only Bloke She Ever Cared About. Each Night When She's Alone, Charlie's There. Charlie Was An Arse, And They Said He Didn&a...22. Cheatin' Chick From China Sittin' In The Hot Wok Takeaway. Every Single Thing Has Gone Wrong From That Day. "I Like English Man" Said She. Cor! I Thought Free Chop Suey?. When . I Was Sittin' In The Hot Wok...23. Cheerio & Toodle Pip Who's A Pretty Boy Then?. Your Girlfriend Says When She's Got You Wearing A Tie. You're Looking Like A Puff And You Think I've Had Enough. Stop And Take A Look At Yourself For A Wh...24. Chenky Is A Puff Easy Come, Easy Go. Chenky's Bent And He Should Know. How We Feel When He Says To Us. Give Z A Kiss, Give Z A Kiss, Give Z A Kiss, Give Z A Kiss. We Don't Spread Gossip You Know. We Just Wan...25. Cloughy Is A Bootboy! Cloughy's Lads Are Full O' Gloom. Coz Cloughy's In The Changin' Room. Why Can't He Nick Off & Leave Them Be?. He Screams & Yells & Just Because. Cloughy Knows That...26. Come Back Jackie Old Jackie's Gone To Sea. Jackie's Gone Oh Jackie's Gone To Sea. Where Will He Be? When Will We See. Old Jackie At Home On Land From Sea. A Secret Mission He's Been On. He's N...27. Davey's Days Davey, Wakes Wearing A Frown, He Knows That She's Around. Hes In His Dressin' Gown, Down & Davey. Davey, Dreams Of Days Gone By, Makes Davey Wanna Cry. He Weeps And Wonders Why. Since He...28. Davey's Took The Plunge Davey's Life Has Changed Dramatically, Now. We Warned Him But The Daft Puff Couldn't See. Jack The Lad, But He's Lost His Credibility Now. He's Took The Plunge Now He Lives In Mise...29. David's Xr 2 "David Man, Yer Haven’t Finished Yer Tea". "It Doesn't Matter, I Can't Wait To Drive My XR2". "Oh David, Don't Drive Fast David". "See Ya!"...30. Deidrie's A Slag First Of All There Was Ray. He Went With Deidrie Yeah Ray. Thought That He Was The Bee's Knees. But Now He's Left Her And She's Pleased. And Just Incase You Meet. Deidrie Down Coronatio...31. Dez The Demon Decorator Brighten Up You Home, It Said In The Advert. All Your Decorating Done By An Expert. How The Hell Was I To Know He's Such A Dirty Sod. I Wanted Subtle Shades, Maybe Something Duller. There's...32. Dig That Groove Baby Friday night is bath night this is what they say. We are gonna dig the groove, we've waited all day. We wear trendy trousers with belts a mile too long. We are gonna catch the bus into the town....33. Do You Wanna Be Like Dougy Bell? Ran Over By A Bus Up The High Street. Dougy Only Feels A Tickle In His Feet. The Driver Shouts Oi! Are You Alright. But Dougy's On His Way. Dougy Then Has A Little Mishap. When A Geezer Comes Alo...34. Do You Want To Finish Or What? If You're Down And You're Sick. And You Want Her Out Quick. But You Don't Know The Trick What To Do. She'll Be Laughing At You. If You Don't Have A Clue. Show That You Have Gr...35. Dorkamania He's A Trainspotter, He’s An Anorak. He's A Nerd, You've Heard The Word, A Dork, A Maniac. He's A Pratt, He’s A Geek, A Freak, He's One O' Those. Squarest T...36. Dougy Giro "This one's for Dougy". You can't guess what life for dougy. Is like, he wakes up in the street. No home, no bed, he says he's lucky. That he can smile and be happy. Dougy, do...37. Ernie Had A Hernia Ernie Had A Hernia. Too Much Nosh & Too Much Booze. He Spent All Night In The Bog With The Blues. An Aching Head, Intoxicated. He Didn't Even Know He Was Constipated. He Forced & He Frown...38. Everybody Jitterbug Ooh You Won't Ever See Me Without A Smiling Face. Diddle Iddle I Do That's Coz I Go. Jitterbug, Jitterbug, Jitterbuggin'. Ooh If You're Feelin' Lonely Or You're Feelin&ap...39. Fat Bob's Feet Fat Bob Does Not Wash Or Scrub. He's Never Seen A Bath Tub Before. When Will Fat Bob Use The Sink?. We Can't Face The Fat Bob Stink No More. A Killer Pong On A Gateshead Street. 50 Drop Dead...40. Firey Jack Firey Jack. Oh! I Woke Up With A Backache. Backache! Backache!. I Thought I Ought To Go To The First Aid Tin. Where I Found Something For My Backache. Backache! Backache!. I Rubbed In Some Cream And S...41. Fisticuffs In Frederick Street Frederick Street was on the news tonight. outside Fosters club had been a fight. and everytime you go to dig the beat. you will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help. [Chorus:]. Hello, hello, hel...42. Frankie's Got The Blues Frankie Says That He's Got Vertigo. He Says This Every Time He Leaves The Pub, Blotto. Backaches, Bellyaches, Earaches & Migraines. Frankie’s Life Is Misery & Full Of Aches N'...43. Fred Olivier Don't Want To Be Sylvester Stallone, Don't Push Me. Never Never Gonna Star In "Home Alone". Hamlet, Macbeth, I'm Crazy For King Lear. There's Nothing More Exciting. Than...44. Geordie's Gone To Jail He's Not A Thief Or A Burglar. He Never Robbed A Bank. He Didn't Commit Murder. All Geordie's Bullets Were Blank. Set Geordie Free, Coz Geordie's Not Guilty. He's A Good Guy....45. Glenda And The Test Tube Baby Victory if glenda she, had a baby, oooeee. Things were looking gloomy and glenda she was sad. Kevin had been out with carol sands. But glenda she though surely. It can't be that bad, if i had a b...46. Gonna Be 500 Miles I'm Gonna Be 500 Miles. When I Wake Up Yeah I Know I'm Gonna Be. I'm Gonna Be The Man Who Wakes Up Next To You. When I Go Out Yeah I Know I'm Gonna Be. I'm Gonna Be The Man Wh...47. Griefsville Here we go again, down to Griefsville, yah. I'm sneezing, I'm wheezing, I'm freezing. I'm outside with no coat on. I turned the lights on, where she'd been. She's with hi...48. H.o H. O. Oh I Can't Forget A Girl I Knew. H. O. 's Her Name, I Bet. There's No One Else To Blame. For I Used To Be An Easy Going Man. But Now I'm The One Of The Millions. That She&apo...49. Hanky Panky Oh! baby I fancy. what do you mean?. baby I fancy. I know what you mean. oooo ee Hanky Panky. I'm feeling randy. what do you mean?. I'm feeling randy. I know what you mean. oooo ee Hanky Pan...50. Harry Cross (a Tribute To Edna) Harry Cross (A Tribute To Edna). Harry Cross, Harry Cross He's Not A Lucky Bloke. He's Always Blue What Can He Do Now Edna's Had A Stroke. Harry Cross, Harry Cross She's Always In...51. Harry's Hands Harry's hands are hands of mystery. Connected to all calamities. Harry's hands are hands of mystery. They're accused of all burgiaries. Harry's hands ain't what they used to b...52. Her With A Hoover My mates warned me long ago. She will make you blue oo oo. they said you've been had. Untidy tart they told me so. the home that I once knew oo oo. was a filthy floozys pad. ONE MORE, TWO MORE. F...53. How do You Deal With Neal? There's a bloke from Hereford Road. who really makes me groan, everyday he's at the door. or on the telephone. Why can't he just go away. and leave me here alone. In the pictures in the...54. Howza Bouta Kiss Babe Bored at a party Saturday night looking at Tupperware, in came a chick who made me quickly glad I was th. there, how could I get the courage to ask her for a date?. Twas such a task for me to ask by t...55. I Can See You I still can see you face. Your smile everyday. I wish I was back there. To live it out again. I can see you. Yeah I can see you. <i>[Chorus:]</i>. I can see you SEE YOU <i>[x4]</i...56. I Caught It From Camilla There She Stood In Finos, Hippo With High Heels On. They All Said That She Goes For The Slim And Skinny Ones. Like Me. I Swigged Six Jugs O'stella, And She Didn't Look That Bad. She Said, &q...57. I Gave My Heart To A Slag Called Sharon From Whitley Bay with a candy floss she stood. on the sand she looked real good, to me. love at first sight, what a drag. i fell for a seaside slag, ooee. over the hills where the lads all yell. left at the tyne tunne...58. I Tried To Trust Tracey Ooooh, ooooo. She's a fibber. she's always telling him lies. he can't trust her. no matter how he tries. she swore to me. that I would always be the one. then she blew me out she's...59. I Wish My Eyes Were Ernies She looks so diviine & I can't see. Why she prefers that nerd to me. How come she ain't mine, I wanna be. I wish that I could be Ernie. 'Ive got the blues, if I could choose. then I...60. I'll Get Even With Steven (steve Is Tender) Steve is tender Steve is sweet. she'll never let him go. Steven made her life complete. That's why I hate him so. Would she ever really understand. I came to Durham all the way from Sunderla...61. I'm A Lonely Bastard Nobody loves me, nobody cares. Nobody invites me to the party - we don't want him there. Introverted, we stay. Sittin all alone his night is so sad - he ain't got no mates. [Chorus]. Don&apo...62. I'm a Telly Addict! I Don't Need A Doctor, I Don't Need A Drugstore. I Don't Need An Injection, I Need To Put The Telly On. Songs Of Praise, Pakistani Plays. I Can't Control My TV Craze. Got Me In A C...63. I'm Gonna Be 500 Miles When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you. If I g...64. I'm Gonna Be 500 Miles (tablatura) I'M GONNA BE 500 MILES. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------. Tab by con. e|--------------------------------------------------------------------|. B|--...65. I've Got Asthma I've Got Asthma And I Can Not Breathe. Can't Breath At All!. I've Got An Inhaler With Me. I Am Choking And My Face Is Blue. Blue And It's Getting Worse!. I Think I Will Have To Lie...66. I've Had Enough O'magaluf T was only yesterday that we arrived in Palma. Ever since then our love life has been a farce. Pursued and wooed by that. sun tanned Majorca charmer. Now she thinks the sun shines. out his spanish ars...67. Idle Gossip Idle Gossip. Guess Who's Working On The Fiddle. Tell Me Who Works On The Fiddle. I'll Tell You Who Works On The Fiddle. Oooo Ooo Idle Gossip. Guess Whose Just Come Off The Pill. Tell Me Who&...68. If You're In A Pop Group You'll End Up Paying A Fortune Practicing At Peter Practice's Practice Place Give'z the money Peter Practice says to us. give'z the money quickly don't make a fuss. give'z the money. Pete takes the pop groups he'll even take the trash. but if you pract...69. In Tommy's Head "I'm so glad" he tells me and you, "It's so sad" we know it ain't true:. Oooh, in Tommy's head. He told me, "I'm head over heels," a phoney. We k...70. Ivy's Lurid Lips Looking at her reflection, Ivy thought, I'll shock Don. When I get my face lift, when I get my face lift done, You'll see, Don is gonna want to snog with me. But they all grimace, an insult...71. James Bond Lives Down Our Street My Name Is Bond! James Bond. James Bond Lives Down Our Street. I've Seen Him He Catches The 32 Bus. James Bond Lives Down Our Street. Sometimes He Sits On The Back Seat With Us. He's Got A G...72. Jeans Been tell her what you done, she's done too, you bet. tell her who you've seen, she'll tell you she's met. tell her where ya been, she'll o'been, she'll o'been truly...73. Keith's A Thief Keith works every night & day. honesty's his goal. but Keith's a thief coz he's. still claiming dole. what a fiddler Keith is. he thinks he won't be caught. but Keith is gonna...74. Kids In Tyne & Wear Lookin' out a dirty old window, down below the cars in the city go rushing by. We sit here with no dosh and wonder why?. Should we catch the bus to Newcastle, we can't be bothered with the h...75. Lazy Sunday Afternoon Wouldn't it be nice to get on with my neighbours. But they make it very clear they've got no room for ravers. <i>[Chorus:]</i>. Lazy sunday afternoon. I got no time to worry. I c...76. Lester Fiddled The Tax Man Yeahhhhhh:. Under Under Starters Under Starters orders & there off Tallyho!. 4-1 3-1 2-1 The bettin's on, LESTER NICKS OFF TO RIO. He got more, got more than he bargained for, Lester's a...77. Livin' On Newton Hall A thousand streets of 2 bedroom semis. We always dreamed that we,d have one o'these. Oh what a pity they were built by Wimpey's. That common lot drove us round the bend. so we moved up to Du...78. Living La Vida Loca She's into superstitions. Black cats and voodoo dolls. I feel a premonition. That girl's gonna make me fall. She's into new sensations. New kicks and candle light. She's got a new...79. Me 'n' John Williams Hang on! Stop, stop, stop! Hang on lads. Hang on a minute theirs somebody at the door. Hello?". "Hello. My name is John Williams. Have you heard. of me?". "Uhh, yeah!". &quo...80. Melancholy Margaret Nobby was a soldier, a life in the Army. Margarets back home alone waiting suspiciously. She can't hide the misery, the upset & despair. When she found out Nobby had been having it off elsewh...81. Modern School Of Motoring If you hoo hoo want a lesson or two, take a hint you'll pay a mint at. Modern School, Modern School, they always say you are doing okay, it's not true. <i>[Chorus:]</i>. Come on...82. My Baby Is A Battleaxe My Baby Is A Battleaxe. I Gets Me A Night Cap. She Says Gee, I Feel Crap. I Shouts Oi! Whats Up?. Ya Stink, I Think Yer Drinkin Too Much. She's Gone, Yippee. I Turn On, The Tv. But There's A...83. My Girlfriend's Dad's A Vicar My Girlfriend's Dad's A Vicar. God Help Me What Can I Do. My Girlfriend's Dad Is A Vicar Boo Hoo. And He Won't Let Me Be Alone With You. Oh He's A Vicar And There's Nothi...84. My Wife's A Psychopath I Couldn't Wait For My Blind Date. I Did Not Sleep That Night. Could I Catch The Perfect Match. Would She Be Mrs. Right!?. A Quiet Lass So Middle Class. Dignified, Meek & Mild?. I Faced The...85. Nellie The Elephant To Bombay. A travelling circus came. They brought an intelegent elephant. and Nellie was her name. One dark night. she slipt her iron chain, and off she ran. to Hindustan and was never seen again. ooo...86. Neville Is A Nerd Neville Is A Nerd. We All Believed That Neville. Was A F F F Fine Lad. But When We Go To Know Him Better. Neville Drove Us Mad. Neville Is A Bighead. Neville Is A Pain. Neville Is A Prat Without A Bra...87. No One Knew The Real Emu Toy Dolls - No One Knew The Real Emu. rod could not live with or live without. you. you were rodney's life and his worst fear. for the day that no one cared about. you. rod died a penniless pup...88. No Particular Place To Go RIDIN' ALONG IN MY AUTOMOBILE. MY BABY BESIDE ME AT THE WHEEL. I STOLE A KISS AT THE TURN OF A MILE. MY CURIOSITY RUNNIN' WILD. CRUSIN' N' PLAYIN' THE RADIO O O. WITH NO PARTI...89. Nowt Can Compare To Sunderland Fine Fare If you can't afford to spend a lot. and you're sick of the cost of livin, you've got to do something but you dunno what, just look what Fine Fare's givin, prices that please you an...90. Olga I Cannot Olga I Cannot. I Think I'll Ring Kendra. (Ring, Ring) Hello, It's Olga. Can I Speak To Kendra Please?. Just Hold On A Minute Pet. Kendra? Olga's On The Phone. Do You Want To Speak To...91. One More Megabyte One More, One More, One More, One More. Addict With An Apple Mac, Megabyte Maniac. Moron With A Mouse Mat, A Junky. Distressed, You've Guessed, Obviously Obsessed. I, Need More Memory!. He's...92. One Night In Moscow (& We'll Be Russian Home!) One Night In Moscow (& We'll Be Russian Home!). We Had To Book A Holiday, But We Were Sick O' Whitley Bay. We Fancied The Mediterranean. All The Vacancies Had Gone, That's All The V...93. Park Lane Punch Up Oh Sittin In The Taxi Rank In Park Lane. In Comes A Trendy Geezer With No Brain. And Staring At A Punk Who Was A Good Mate. I Said Let’s Make A Move But It Was Too Late. Up Goes A Shout, A Rumb...94. Pc Stoker Stoker is a boy in blue. and he must be the worst. He's a copper!. Stoker someday he'll get you. but you won't be the first. he's a copper. he's a police constable. that makes...95. Poltergeist In The Pantry I felt like a snack in the middle of the night. I crept down stairs for a nibble and a bite, ooee ooee. A crash beyond the kitchen door. Told me that it was back for more, ooee ooee. You might o'...96. Poor Davey There was davey, there was davey. There was davey, happy davey. His girlfriend's gone, his girlfriend's gone away, ay ay ay ay. All he wants is a room with the stars looking down across dave...97. Pot Belly Bill The Gas supply has been cut off, the tele's on the blink. Billy stinks, he drinks & spews up in the kitchen sink. He's sick of his bleedin' life, & he's gonna smack the wif...98. Pot Luck Percy I would rather be Percy, rather than me. I wanna be Percy. I would rather be Percy, rather than me. Percy's got more money, more money than me. I wish I could be Percy. I would rather be Percy ra...99. Poverty Pleadin' Peter Peter's moanin' groanin' moanin', he can't pay his rent. But we've all seen Peter's bank statement. He says he's broke, he must be joking, he's doin'...100. Queen Alexandra Road Is Where She Said She'd Be But Was She There To Meet Me? No Chance She was at a party I was stuck at home. I was not invited so she went on her own. I will not be long now this is what she said. I'm stood waiting for her I must be off my head. <i>[Chorus:]...101. Quick To Quit The Quentin Oh quarter to five we were barely alive. we were hungry, three weeks we've been together through. wet and rainy weather, we were c, c, c, cold, oh out on the trek of a hotel to check in that nigh...102. Rita's Innocent remember rita when, she was she was contented. and in the kabin all was calm. remember rita when, she was she was contented. and nowt could beat her then, apart, apart, apart, apart from. little basta...103. Rodney's Memory <i>[Chorus:]</i>. RODNEY REMEMBER ME, RODNEY REMEMBER ME. SHE HAUNTS RODNEY'S MEMORY. Rodney gave Sheila a slap when she begged him not to drink. "Mind yer own damn bussiness&quo...104. Ron Dixon Dumped D-d Na na na. D-D's got a horses head, enough to make yer sick. How could Ron Dixon have wed Red Rum with lipstick. The most repulsive sight on earth, to ugly to discuss. How could anyone give birth...105. Rupert The Bear Rupert The Bear. There's A Little Bear You've Never Seen Before. He's A Lot Of Fun. Children Everywhere Grow To Love Him More And More. He's The Number One. There's A Million...106. She Goes To Finos Every night I know that she goes to Finos, and every night I know that she see's him. Every night she holds him tight at Finos. and everynight it's alright for him. [Chorus:]. and she goes....107. She'll Be Back With Keith Someday I can't stop moping - I can't stop crying. I just ain't coping - don't feel like trying. "Don't ditch me," I cry, but this is her reply. She said "Oi mush, you&...108. She's A Leech She looks so grand a one night stand maybe. I took my chance I said "let's dance baby". How was he to know, she would never let him go. Back at my place, in an embrace, we were. And stu...109. She's A Worky Ticket She's a worky ticket I bought her a King cone. and she woudn't lick it. she wanted the chocolate one but when I got there. they'd all gone. <i>[Chorus:]</i>. yeah she's...110. She's So Modern la, la, la, la, la. she's so 20th century, she's so 1970's. she know the right things to say, she got the right clothes to wear. cause she's a modern girl, oh yeah. a modern girl,...111. Silly Billy Billy's confused he's been abused, Billy's bemused with Barbara, she went with Billy but he's so silly. she's finished with him now. All the wedding plans have gone down the d...112. Sod The Neighbours Rant N' Rave, Don't Give A Toss. Show The Snobs Next Who's Boss. Turn The Volume To Size Ten. They'll Never Speak To You Again. Sod The Sod The Sod The. Sod The Sod The Sod The. So...113. Speedy Racer You come around the track about a quarter to five. (Go speed racer, go speed racer). You come around the bend you know you're doin' it fine. (Go speed racer, go speed racer). Every time (som...114. Spiders In The Dressing Room I was getting dressed late one night. along came a spider and I got a fright. oh I could not squash it flat. No matter how I tried, And when it looked me in the eye. I ran away to hide. I put on me Do...115. Stay Mellow Things do go wrong, it's not long since I've been blue, But I know the remedy, I can see just what to do. Don't be a coward, don't be yellow, It always pays to be mellow, Stay cool...116. Taken For A Mug Everybody says I'm a gully ully ullible guy. Everybody sniggers & laughs when they pass by. A love sick nut easily misled. He's always infatuated. Birds all do with me just as they pleas...117. Teenager In Love This night I ask. The stars up above. Why must I be. A teenager in love?. This night I ask. The stars up above. Why must I be. A teen-fuck you....118. The Ashbrooke Launderette.... You'll Stink, Your Clothes Shrink, Your White'sll Be As Black As Ink I didn't have a spin dryer so I had to go. he didn't have a spin dryer so he had to go. with his dirty socks and undies o, o, o, o, oh. to the cleaners on the corner, but how was I to know....119. The Coppers Copt Ken's Cash He was a rich man, he was a sod. INCOME TAX THIEF KNOWN AS KEN DODD. Lock him up dump Doddy in the nick. A GREEDY PIG WITH A TICKLING STICK. Not content in the super tax bracket. 1/2 a mill in the poc...120. The Death Of Barry The Roofer With Vertigo long ago with vertigo, o, o. he had a fatal accident. the balance of barry's had went. and nothing could prevent him falling off. the bu, bu, bu bungalow. the night was young and barry begun down...121. The Devil Went Down To Scunthorpe The Devil Went Down To Scunthorpe. Looking For A Soul To Steal. In A Bind An' Way Behind. He Was Willin' To Make A Deal. When He Came Across This Young Man. Pickin' On A Guitar, Playing...122. The Lambrusco Kid I'm always felling lonely. I'm always feeling blue. she was the one and only. she said sheloved me too. but now she's gone and left me. just like they always do. now I'm always. I&...123. The Memory Of Nobby Makes me grin makes me laugh too. makes me sad makes me blue. when I remember Nobby who, danced a gig for me and you. to see the smiles of Nobby's styles. *. I weren't no football fan till h...124. The Psychosurgery I'd have a hysterectomy, I'd have a blood transfusion. I'd even have a vasectomy, with no trousers on. Spend a month in the infirmary, operate on me night & day. But my dentures dis...125. The Sphinx Stinks The grub was vile, we couldn't crack a smile. WE PAID TWENTY SMACKERS JUST TO SAIL UP THE NILE. It cos ten quid. TO GET STUCK INSIDE A PPPPPYRAMID. I'd rather be in Hawaii, CLEETHORPES OR SO...126. There's A Trollop Up Elmwood Street I'd walk across the M. 1. I'd trek through the Amazon. I'D BE A SPANISH MATADOR, NOWT WOULD BE TOO RISKY FOR ME. I'd loop the loop in a Jumbo. I'd box with Frankie Bruno. I CO...127. They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-haaa! Remember when you ran away. And I got on my knees. And begged you not to leave. Because I'd go berserk?. Well. . . You left me anyhow. And then the days got worse and worse. And now you see I&a...128. Tommy Kowey's Car Tommy Kowey's Car. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!. There's A Motor Store At The Top Of Hylton Road. You Go There For Little Bits N Pieces For Your Car. And In The Office There Sits A Secretary She&apos...129. Tony Talks Tripe tony's loaded, that's what tony says. i drink champagne all day. we know he's a farce; he talks out his arse. hey, hey. tony told me how he made a mint. a life of luxury. we've he...130. Turtle Crazy I've got a little brother his christian name is Sid, Ever since he saw the turtles he's flipped his lid. He's always scoffing pizzas just like Leonardo, Donatello Raphael and Michaelang...131. Up The Garden Path All our mates that we once knew said they were happy, Always shouting in the street, just like you and me, Always finding laughter, fun and games to play, They of course have to agree, Suddenly they w...132. We Quit The Cavalry We fight fot the Queen & country & we're back here again. OVER THE HILLS TO THE BATTLEFIELD 10 THOUSAND MARCHING MEN. We never say surrender butnow we must admit. SHOVE THE ROTTEN REGEMEN...133. We're 21 Today Were 21 Today, 21 Today. We've got the key to the door. never been 21 before. Father says we can do as we like. Mother says the same. We're a bunch o'weirdos. 21 today...134. We're Mad We're Mad. Insanity Is Everywhere. It's A Pity It's Everywhere We Go. We're macho. Sirens Are Wailing Everywhere. Wars Underway. Down Comes A Bomb From The Sky To The Ground. The S...135. What She Had With Huey Yesterday, Huey's lips were smiling. Yesterday, when Huey was around. She would never have no fear. when she knew Huey was ere'. She still hears the sound. Yesterday, Huey's voice a cal...136. When You're Jimmy Saville Jimmy Lives His Life For Charity. Jimmy's Got No Wife Just An O. B. E. Everybody Depends On Jimmy. Jimmy's Getting A Little Cheesed Off. Jimmy Reckons They've All Enough. If They Want J...137. Worse Things Happen At Sea It's not the first time somebody has had the flu. Remember when you had toothache. A hot lemsip will help the sneezing so. You will have to stay happy. Remember. Worse things happen at sea. Keep...138. Yellow Burt YELLOW BURT, THE SOFTEST COPPER ROUND 'ERE. YELLOW BURT, A COWARD, A WHIMP, THAT'S CLEAR. ARE YOUR P. C. FRIENDS ON THE BEAT AGAIN. THAT IS VERY SAD, MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD. KNOCK HIS HELMET...139. You And A Box Of Handkerchiefs Oh I never sneeze when you're around, and you never think I have a cold, but when I'm all alone I I Ityshoo I need, you and a box of handkerchiefs. My nose never runs when you're around...140. You Won't Be Merry On A North Sea Ferry An ad on the tele put a lump in my belly. sail with the North Sea Sail with the North Sea ferries. you'll laugh all the way with so little to pay. sail with the North Sea Sail with the North Sea...141. Yul Brynner Was A Skinhead There's a fella from a film. Reminds me of duncan goodewe. But he's not a proper skinhead. Cause he hasn't got a tattoo. He's not as wise as he seems. Coz he's just an actor....
