Darling (yes, darling?). Nothing, darling. Just darling, darling. You're my inspiration, so welcome to my heart. Since making your acquaintance I've made a brand new start. I'm telling...
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1. (you're My) Inspiration 2. All Those Who Say Ok All those who say okay, say okay, okay. All those who say okay, say okay, exactly. All those who say okay, say okay, okay. All those who say okay, say okay, exactly. Oh, I see you're reading a bo...3. Apples Delilah the dancer from Soho. Was making her way down the lane. Simpson from Harrow. Had fruit on his barrow. He sold it for love and for gain. Simpson said, "Hello, young woman". "My P...4. Back To Blighty when faced with a hinderance. the brave mountainier. turns and walks back into the wind. but my hesitation. in strange hemisphere. makes me quit before I begin. intrepid explorer. his reason extremes....5. Ballard Of The Sulphate Strangler Are we rolling?. Here we go then. And one, two, three, Two, two, three. A boy was born to Jack and Marge in 1951. And what is love, is love, is love. And what is done, is done. The baby grew in size a...6. Ban The Bomb Ban The Bomb. Wrap yourself in silver paper put a sandbag on your head. Crawl inside your fall-out shelter underneath your garden shed. Boil an egg, have a cuddle, cut your toe-nails, make the bed. By...7. Bed O' Roses No. 9 I've done a lot of things I wished I hadn't. There's other things I never hope to do. But sliding off the map in both directions. Is the sorry mess I made of knowing you. I've seen...8. Bill Haley's Last Words (Rock, roc,k rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock). Alright! I'm calling you from Harlingen, Texas. I'm telling you, friend, that I've got a son named Scott Haley. Alright? You know all t...9. Billericay Dickie Good evening, I'm from Essex. In case you couldn't tell. My given name is Dickie. I come from Billericay. And I'm doing very well. Had a love affair with Nina. In the back of my cortina...10. Billy Bentley (promenades Himself In London) (One, two, three, four . ). Hello, playmates. Here's a little London song. All about a young man's adventures in the big city. Here we go. Billy Bentley, bought to London early in the day. H...11. Bit Of Kit I want a three piece suit in black worsted. With a three button jacket and a notch lapel. With a boxy back, French shoulder. And a zig-zag raised seam that you do so well. Eighteen inch bottom trouser...12. Blackmail Man I'm an Irish cripple, a Scottish Jew. I'm the blackmail man. A raspberry ripple, a buckle my shoe. I'm the blackmail man. I'm a dead fish coon, a pikey Greek. I'm the blackmai...13. Blockheads You must have seen parties of Blockheads. With blotched and lagered skin. Blockheads with food particles in their teeth. What a horrible state they're in. They've got womanly breasts under p...14. Body Song The foot which steps with measured tread. Receives instructions from your head. It's the body song. It's the body song. The leg, a source of much delight. Which carries weight and governs he...15. Broken Skin Share a good occasion. Hold the darkness in. Bear away abrasion. Free from broken skin. No pride is there to steal. Wounds that never heal. So close and there to wander. Confines wearing thin. Clear i...16. Bus Driver's Prayer Our Father, Who art in Hendon. Harrow Road be Thy name. Thy Kingston come. Thy Wimbledon. In Erith as it is in Hendon. Give us this day our Berkhampstead. And forgive us our Westminsters. As we forgiv...17. Byline Browne I'm here to find out what makes you tick. I'm here to discover the secret you. I intend to reveal you're crooked and sick. And I don't give a damn if none of it's true. '...18. Cacka Boom If you're cold, well here's a plan:. Pull the plug out of your fan. If you're hot, now here's a scheme:. Park your botty in the stream. If you're tired, check this plot:. Seek...19. Clever Trevor just cos I aint never ad, no, nothing worth having. never ever, never ever. you aint got no call not to think I wouldnt fall. into thinking that I aint too clever. and it aint not having oen thing nor...20. Common As Muck You're not Bridget Bardot, I'm not Jack Palance. I'm not Shirley Temple by any circumstance, Or Fred Astaire---. You're not Sidney Taffler, I'm not Dirk Bogarde. I'm not...21. Cowboys They say its tough out there and thats for sure. You pay your way twice over if not more. They say thats the proce of fame, and now youve made your name. Your freinds dont even treat you like they use...22. Crippled With Nerves I could give her the respect she deserves. But I can't cos I'm crippled with nerves. Just to take in my arms, hold her tight. But I'm sorry, I'm shaking with fright. I could touch...23. D'orine The Cow *Moo!*. I'm D'Orine the Cow, Tom the Bull's better half. My daughter's called Daisy, she's a very nice calf. When I'm all finished milking and chewing the cud. Mr. Meatf...24. Dance Little Rude Boy Hey, with your natty threads and your nifty dreads. And your Dagenham royal swagger. With your tricky spiels and your Cuban heels. And the face of a carpet-bagger. With your sweet cologne and your mob...25. Dance Of The Crackpots Oh, let's get up and let's get excited. It's a public party and you're all invited. Let's cut the custard, see the mustard. Please hold steady till we're maladjusted. Sin...26. Dance Of The Screamers So im screaming this to you -waaaaaaagh-. From thr last place in the queue -waaah-, -waaah-. I really think youd liek me given half a chance. But since we aint got that ill do the screamers dance. Som...27. Delusions Of Grandeur Be-ah bickey ba bo-bo-bo. I got a gal that I love so. Delusions of grandeur, delusions of grandeur. Im a dedicated follower of my own success. I can handle the glamour, I can cope with the stress. Dea...28. Don't Ask Me Here I stand. With a doughnut for a brain. On my life, I must see you again. I should think that's made it very plain. Is it is. Is it is or is it ain't?. Don't ask me. To leave it out....29. England's Glory There are jewels in the crown of England's glory (England's glory). And every jewel shines a thousand ways. Frankie Howerd, Noël Coward and garden gnomes. Frankie Vaughan, Kenneth Horne...30. Father Father's very noisy with his 'bines. Said they're all the same it makes you sick. Need a bleeding boot up their behinds. That would bloody shift them double quick. Father drops his toff...31. Fly In The Ointment Fly in the ointment. Stain on the character. Dust on the wainscot. Hair on the gate. Bee in the bonnet. Ash on the waistcoat. Flake on the shoulder. Crack in the plate. Eye on the clock. Bat in the be...32. Friends When Freddy Frost was in my soul. And Tommy Tear was in my eye. Phillippa friendship took my hand. Said, "Baby don't cry". When Tessie Trouble's on patrol. And Suzie Sadness makes...33. Funky Disco (pops) I'll take you to the pictures. I'll take you to the show. Walking in the sunshine. Rolling in the snow. Stepping from the threshold. Out into the street. All you ought to do, my love, Is dan...34. Game On Although I nearly broke my neck trying to break the ice. I think you're very nice. Let's go and have a drink. What do you think?. Throw six and go to jail. Although I've met a mouthy ma...35. Geraldine I'm in love with the person in the sandwich centre. If she didn't exist I'd have to invent her. There isn't any secret to my frequent visits. It's the way she makes them and t...36. Girls (watching) Girls watching. Beach going. Party hearty. Movie groovy. Going places. Seeing faces. Driving cars. Going to bars. Drinking wine. Feeling fine. Having fun. 'Til day is done. Girls watching. Beach...37. Happy Hippy Im hanging up my hang-ups. Ere I turn into a blank automoton. You wont find me on the treadmill. You can tell em Willy boy has been and gone. Yes mogadon times over. Therell be an empty bed in babylon...38. Have A Word Gotta sign the rent book. Gotta do the laundry. Then there's the electric. The water and the gas. Haven't stopped moaning. Since we had the phone in. The television rental. Another bloody ha...39. Heavy Living Heavy living is the life that I've led. See the daylight through a curtain of red. Stands to reason why I'm staying in bed. Heavy living off the top of my head. Heavy living, uh, I know it t...40. Hey, Hey, Take Me Away What's all this spunk on the duckboards?. Come on Lawrence. come on Lawrence. Let's go out and have a prayer meeting. Take a chance with our new shotgun. Hey! Come on Lawrence!. It's t...41. Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick In the deserts of Sudan. And the gardens of Japan. From Milan to Yucatan. Every woman, every man. Hit me with your rhythm stick. Hit me! Hit me!. Je t'adore, ich liebe dich, Hit me! hit me! hit m...42. Honeysuckle Highway Exploring every avenue of love on the honeysuckle highway. Eschewing every vestige of regret we gaily slip along. Displaying all the evidence of mirth on the daffodyllic byway. And needing no excuse t...43. Huffety Puff Huffety Puff do I love you enough?. Was it nice and slow or a little bit rough?. Amazes me when you do your stuff. You're so kind and I'm so tough. When the base is run and you're in th...44. I Believe I believe in bottle banks. And beauty from within. I believe in saying thanks. And fresh air on the skin. I believe in healthy walks. As tonic for the feet. I believe in serious talks. And just enough...45. I Could Lie I could lie before I could talk. Runaway before I could walk. I could cheat before I could play. I was gone before I could stay. I could curse before I could cry. I could sneer before I could sigh. I...46. I Made Mary I made mary cry. in a lonley bus shelter. I put in my laundry tongs. in the back of her leg. severed a hamstring. in the lonley bus shelter. I payed no attention. but I made mary beg. im walking the f...47. I Want To Be Straight I'm Charley, you know. I'm Norman pleased to meet you. I'm Mickey, hello. Wilko. I'm Johnny, how are you doing Harry?. My name is David. And I'm Ian and guess what?. Oi!. I wa...48. I'm Partial To Your Abracadabra Partial to your abracadabra. Enraptured by the joy of it all. So stop me where you start. The cockles of his heart. The panties sends it right up the wall. Please, please, stop it, it likes it. Tickle...49. If I Was With A Woman If I was with a woman she'd wonder what was happening. Little things would slowly go askew. If I was with a woman I'd make her quite unhappy. Specially when she did not want me to. If I was...50. Inbetweenies In the mirror, when I'm debonair. My reactions are my own affair. A body likes to be near the bone. Oh Nancy, Leslie, Jack and Joan. I die when I'm alone, alone. Shake your booty when your b...51. It Ain't Cool You think it's cool to make me wait with bated breath for what you'll say. You think it's cool to be the overlord of all that you survey. You think it's clever being clever that yo...52. Itinerant Child I took out all the seats and away I went. its a right old banger and the chassis bent. its got a great big peace sign across the back. and most of the windos have been painted black. the windshields c...53. London Talking I went and changed a pound for the Underground. The Bakerloo northbound cos I fancied coming round. The Bakerloo northbound cos you fancied coming round?. Hmm, the Bakerloo northbound cos I fancied co...54. Lonely (town) your eyes are focused on a screen of your own choosing. your mind is busy with distractions of it's own. my imminent departure is the flavour of the evening. you lent me a welcome; i paid interes...55. Looking For Harry Looking for Harry. Looking for Harry. Looking for Harry. Looking for Harry. Looking for Harry. Have you seen him around?. The minute I find him. I'm going to unwind him. It's time to remind...56. Love Is All When ecstasy ennobled our first kiss. I fell into an agony of bliss. I've never heard a person talk like this. I hope you don't think you can take the piss. The exhilaration of your touch. E...57. Lullaby For Franc(i/e)s Go to sleep now, Frances. You've done all you can with the day. Safe and sound, that's a promise. You'll be welcome in the Milky Way. Tumble down, tired and true. Spirit to restore, a b...58. Manic Depression (jimi) The mind is a very precious flower. That finds itself a strand amongst the weeds. The cause and effect, is what you might expect. And going round the bend is where it leads. The elephant provides the...59. Mash It Up Harry Hes got his little Y-fronts and his got his little vest. Hes got his little parting in his hair. Hes got his little trousers and hes got his little shoes. And he wants a bit of Wembley up you-know-whe...60. Mischief Popeye Pearce is pimple, Laurence Smith is hard. Ricky loves a kicking and he wants to join the guards. Barry breaks the windows of his broken home. Have a guess. His tiny mind's been scarred. L...61. My Old Man My old man wore three piece whistles. He was never home for long. Drove a bus for London Transport. He knew where he belonged. Number 18 down to Euston. Double decker move along. Double decker move al...62. No Such Thing As Love There's no such thing as heartache. Tomorrow you'll be gone. There's no such thing as yesterday. The memory lingers on. There's no such thing as thank you. When no one hears your p...63. O'donegal Fresh mist on the morning and tears in my eyes. I'm back for the dawning of Donegal skies. My life in the city seems light years away. When I see the Blue Mountains from Ballybofey. Where the wan...64. O.k Roland OK Roland. Made a fuzzy beaver hat. Oh yeah Roland. You're so very good at that. When you eat that chicken. You can make it sense a time. Got the needy seat. In the real mean style. Honking on th...65. Oh Mr. Peanut Oi!, Rotten hat!. Where'd you get that hair-cut?. Brent Cross Shopping Centre?. I bet your mother fed you with a catapult. Oh, Mr. Shag Nasty. A bit of give and take. You call me a divvy. And I...66. One Love One looks for happiness. One longs to find a partner. One knows that nowadays. One love will be the answer. One sees a crazy world. One needs a fresh perspective. One comes to realise. One love's...67. Over The Points Thank you. I am an actual train. Believe it or not believe it or not. I carry you backwards and forth, south and north. On down the line and up. Before they shunt me into the final siding. I wish to m...68. Pardon New digs and prospects of a job. New digs and prospects . Have I been half interested 'till now?. Breath and armpits feet. For Christ's sake please stay sweet. An ever present threat of hand...69. Patience (so What?) Patience Eames. You're the girl of my dreams. So what?. I've been making schemes. 'Til my poor head screams. So what?. I do difficult sums. And play the drums. Twiddle my thumbs. And fi...70. Pc Honey I'm only nineteen, I'm a little bit green. I've yet to be corrupted by the frightful things I've seen. With my measure pace and my bright young face. I only want to make the world...71. Percy The Poet Hello babies. I'm sharper than splinter. I'm meaner than Minter. I'm cooler than winter. And smarter than Pinter. From coast to coast I'm the most verbose and my royal boast is I&a...72. Peter The Painter Who's got the toughest brush with the sweetest strokes?. At the Royal Academy for Jack-the-Lademy. Mr. Blake is the actual bloke at the Royal College of Useful Knowledge. He plays his part witho...73. Poo-poo In The Prawn I took a sudden notion. To go down to the ocean. I got my suntan lotion. My flippers and my mask. In proper distribution. Of fully formed ablutions. Formed an ocean of pollution. In which I dare sn&ap...74. Poor Joey I'm Joey the Budgie, I'm a boy or a girl. I'm probably the most typical caged bird in the world. In Cranham or Hounslow I sit on my perch. Old Mother Nature's left me right in the...75. Quick Quick Slow Give me the quick quick slow. Give me the quick quick slow. Give me the quick quick slow. Give me the quick quick slow. Give me the quick quick slow. Get there before you go. Climbing upon my toes. Gi...76. Quiet Excuse me, excuse me. Get right out of the way. Quiet! (plop-plops). I'm sorry, beg pardon. The fault's entirely yours. Quiet! (big jobs). Your Highness, your Worship. You silly pompous ass....77. Razzle In My Pocket In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick. South Street Romford, shopping arcade. Got a Razzle magazine, I never paid. Inside my jacket and away double quick. Good sense told me, once was enough. Bu...78. Really Glad You Came Although you think I'm sleeping as you get set to leave. I can see your shadow packing from underneath my sleeve. I swore I'd never live without your constant company. Tomorrow's empty...79. Reasons To Be Cheerful (part 3) Why don't you get back into bed. Why don't you get back into bed. Why don't you get back into bed. Why don't you get back into bed. Why don't you get back into bed. Why don&ap...80. Red (letter) "dear Parrot, i love you so deeply and true". said Reggie destroyed and upset. "dear Cuddles, my darling, oh what shall i do?". said Dinky, your kinky love-pet. "dear Bonbon y...81. Riding The Outskirts Of Fantasy Little tests and odd requests. Who loves, who loves, who the best?. Little tasks, no questions asked. The traitor is at last unmasked. Little ploys, search and destroy. Who brings, who brings, who mor...82. Rough Kids Rough kids play rough games and kick tin cans. Leave their feet out in the aisle. Rough kids have bother and make nuisance. They climb on someone else's fence. Rough kids give m-m-m-m-m-mama no o...83. Sex And Drugs And Rock And Roll Sex and drugs and rock and roll. Is all my brain and body need. Sex and drugs and rock and roll. Are very good indeed. Keep your silly ways or throw them out the window. The wisdom of your ways, I&apo...84. Sink My Boats I've got the feeling but I ain't got the skill. And I don't like your suggestion. Will you still love me when I'm over the hill. Is another stupid question. Don't deny that I...85. Spasticus Autisticus I'm spasticus, I'm spasticus. I'm spasticus autisticus. I'm spasticus, I'm spasticus. I'm spasticus autisticus. I'm spasticus, I'm spasticus. I'm spasticus...86. Sueperman's Big Sister Till I met her, I thought I knew the answers. I thought a bit of treatment was all a body needs. I'll take you where the haps are. All the handsome chaps are. Squeeze you till I make your feeling...87. Sweet Gene Vincent blue gene baby. skinny white sailor, the chances were slender. the beauties were breif. shall I mourn you decline with some thunderbird wine. and a black hankercheif?. I miss your sad Virginia whisper...88. Take Me To The Cleaners Hey! I want to be your partner in the rackets. And I'll be your accomplice in the crime. Like jewel thieves in Saint Tropez. We'll steal the precious nights away. The angels smile on those w...89. Take Your Elbow Out Of The Soup (you're Sitting On) To be simple and wise. Never tell lies. Always pick on someone my own size. Would be quite a thing. And when I make it swing. Ill write you a letter or Ill give you a ring. Take your elbow out of the...90. Take Your Elbow Out Of The Soup, Your Sitting On The Chicken To be simple and wise. Never tell lies. Always pick on someone my own size. Could be quite a thing. If I make it swing. I'll write you a letter or I'll give you a ring. Take your elbow out o...91. Tell Your Daddy Your daddy took one look at me and said. "There goes Mr Evil with a bad hat on his head. He must be delinquent he wears such wicked clothes. Those shabby suits and big brown boots, there's d...92. Thank You Mum Thank you, mum. Your rascal son. Has seen the error of his ways. I stole your purse and smashed the crocks. You done my trousers washed my socks. Dragged me screaming to the doc's. Drink your med...93. That's Enough Of That Here comes the postman, letters in his sack. Dear Auntie Mary, we'd love to have you back. Here come the letters, through the letterbox. Poor Georgina, has caught the chickenpox. Here come the co...94. The (body Song) The foot picks steps with leisured dread. Receives instructions from your head. It's the body song. It's the body song. The leg, a source of much delight. Which carries weight and governs he...95. The Badger And The Rabbit Squirrel gather nuts in May. And he shuts his nuts away. There's a quick brown fox. In the hollyhocks. A vixen in the mood to play. Whoa! the badger don't care. Rabbit got his share. Smile o...96. The Call-up Let her go, let her go. When the look in her eye said, "Cheerio, cheerio". "I don't want you no more". "Mosquito, mosquito". "Get the hell out of my bed"....97. The Man With No Face I first got the case of the man with no face, one evening in August last year. A telephone call told me nothing at all, and I made an appointment with fear. She was dressed to the nines on Parisian li...98. The Mumble Rumble And The Cocktail Rock Woke up this morning in a state of shock. I heard a mumble rumble and a cocktail rock. ???? beat like a slide trombone. Goddess Diana plicking all alone. It's the mumble rumble. And the cocktail...99. The Passing Show When we were simple and naïve. We wore our feelings on our sleeve. As we've grown jaded and corrupt. Our manner's guarded and abrupt. Oh, how we'd smile most readily. Whilst plough...100. The Right People People think it's easy being a crook. But I got done for everything I took. There's people who could keep you out of schtuck. But you've had it if you don't know where to look. Peo...101. The Roadette Song Shaken on her shoulder. Shaking on her arse. Ain't no doubt about it. She's a gamey lass. Jerking with her elbow. Clever with her knee. Way she move it over. That's the place to please....102. There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards Noel Coward was a charmer. As a writer he was drama. Velvet, jackets and pyjamas, The gay divorce and other dramas. There ain't half been some clever bastards. (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders). T...103. This Is What We Find (spoken). Morning Reg, meat and two veg? He done him with a ten-pound sledge, he done himself a favour Crash!. Forty-year old housewife Mrs Elizabeth Walk of Lambeth Walk. Had a husband who was jubbli...104. Trust (is A Must) Trust is a must. Trust is a must. Trust is a must. You must have trust. Trust is a must. Trust is a must. Trust is a must. You must have trust. Frisco!. Beans in your jeans. Beans in your jeans. Beans...105. Twenty Tiny Fingers She put on the light in the middle of the night. The wet stuff's here let's go. I grabbed a sock, I called the Doc. He told me "Don't be slow". I got down there with time to s...106. Two Old Dogs Without A Name Two old dogs without a name. Trucking down the road to glory. Seeking not to blaze in fame. But to leave a blazing story. Being roadies is their game. Rough of trouser, hair of hoary. They're the...107. Uncoolohol The war cry of the raging drunken sot. That sends unwelcome pangs right up your bot. It bellows forth from open windows all night long. Puts up on the thought of right and wrong. Uncoolohol. Uncooloho...108. Uneasy Sunny Day Hotsy Totsy Bankrupt the banks. Withhold the rent. Shitters are a wank. And the landlord's bent. It's time that the babies kept quiet. No it ain't. Open up the nicks. Close down the schools. The la...109. Upminster Kid When I was fifteen I had a black crepe jacket and sideboards to my chin. I used to go around in a two-tone Zephyr with a mean and nasty grin. Twelve-inch bottoms on my stardust flares and socks of daz...110. Very Personal You could say I like it here. With my mouth right in your ear. What a lovely atmosphere. It's very personal. You might say it's where it's at. On the sofa in your flat. A little bit of...111. Wait (for Me) If you want to wait. Wait for me. If you want to wait. Wait for me. If you want to wait. Wait for me. I said wait for me. I said wait for me. I said wait for me. If you want to wait. Wait for me. If y...112. Waiting For Your Taxi Waiting for your taxi. Which taxi never comes. Waiting for your taxi. Waiting for your taxi. Which taxi never comes. Waiting for your taxi. Waiting for your taxi. Which taxi never comes. Waiting for y...113. Wake Up And Make Love With Me I come awake. With a gift for womankind. You're still asleep. But the gift don't seem to mind. Rise on this occasion. Halfway up your back. Sliding down your body. Touching your behind. You...114. What A Waste! I could be the driver an articulated lorry. I could be a poet I wouldn't need to worry. I could be a teacher in a classroom full of scholars. I could be the sergeant in a squadron full of wallahs...115. Who's To Know? If you smile private things. Who is to know?. If you dance in the rings. Who is to know?. If you run with the mill. And you stay very still. Like you've written your will. Who's to know?. Yo...116. Yes & No (paula) Hey Paula, come here. When I see you not to look at. And all that and so on. And that's a fact and so forth. And all that and thereabouts. And that's the truth. And not to look at either. No...117. You'll See Glimpses [entirely spoken in lucid reflective manner]:. You'll see. They think I'm off my crust as I creep about the caff. But I'm really getting ready to surprise them all. Because I'm bus...118. You're My Baby Every day I look at you. And every day there's something new. About you. When I look into your eyes. There's many things I recognise. About you. Every time I hold your hand. I'm learnin...119. You're The Why I shuffled through the modes of bad behaviour. And hankered for the desolated dawn. I couldn't cope with yet another saviour. To steer me from the way that I was born. Then like a ton of bricks t...120. Your Horoscope As a person you're warm and reliable. This will always stand you in good stead. Your star is in the ascendant at the moment. This could mean you will receive a large amount of bread. Your friends...